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Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, by Gary Chapman
Get Free Ebook Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, by Gary Chapman
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About the Author
GARY CHAPMAN--author, speaker, counselor--has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. For more information visit his website at www.5lovelanguages.com.
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Product details
Paperback: 176 pages
Publisher: Northfield Publishing; New edition (September 1, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0802481833
ISBN-13: 978-0802481832
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
845 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#2,679 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Dr. Chapman is the author of the best-selling book, "The Five Love Languages".WHAT READERS CAN LEARN FROM THIS BOOK1. Feelings of being "in love" cannot sustain a marriage, since the average life-span of these feelings is about two years. What sustains a marriage is spouses learning to communicate love in the forms that are most received by their partner.2. We will often develop uncanny similarities to our parents, including their drinking habits, communication patterns, energy levels, and appearance.3. Resolving marital disagreements without arguing. Truly listening to the other spouse in order to give an adequate summary of his or her perspective. Agreeing to disagree. Learning to compromise.4. The importance of spouses making effective apologies for wrongdoing. Learning to speak your spouse's language of apology is more effective than just saying you are sorry. The five different ways of apologizing are 1) expressing regret, 2) accepting responsibility, 3) making restitution, 4) genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior, and 5) requesting forgiveness.5. Forgiveness is one's decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice.6. How spouses can agree on doing which household chores.7. How spouses can most effectively manage their money, and what common major mistakes to avoid, such as purchasing a home they cannot afford, going out to eat too often, buying new cars, and buying too much alcohol. How to live on 80% of your income, give 10% to charity, and save 10%. How couples can agree not to buy something over a certain amount without consulting the other.8. Resolving common sexual difficulties. Overcoming the myth that husband and wife must reach climax together. A husband should spend sufficient time caressing his wife. A husband participating in household chores will often increase desire in his wife for him. Spouses should only engage in sexual acts they are both comfortable with.9. How spouses can develop good relationships with their in-laws, by learning to listen empathetically to them, speaking their particular love languages to them, and alternating holidays with them.10. Spiritual compatibility in marriage has more to do with what each spouse believes in the way God speaks to them and what He has said.11. How spouses can live with a partner who has very different habits, including Morning person vs. Night person, Optimist vs. Pessimist, Neat vs. Messy, Talker vs. Non-talker, Passive vs. Aggressive, Logical thinkers vs. Intuitive person, and Organizer vs. Spontaneous person.12. Having a balanced dating relationship by attending to these areas of growth: Intellectual, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, and Physical.
My wife and I had a rocky relationship for many years. 8 months ago she died from colon cancer. She was diagnosed about a year before that. Our last year was our best year together. I didn't really understand why until I recently read a book -- Gary Chapman's Things I Wish I had Known Before I got Married. The book includes an abridged discussion of his other book The Five Love Languages. Reading this section I had one of the few "Aha" moments of my life. I gained a lot of insight into why our last year had been our best year and how, given this additional wisdom, we could have come closer during our tumultuous marriage. I couldn't recommend it more highly.
Most believe that the feeling of love, and attraction, is what's needed to have and instill a successful marriage, If only it were that easy. This read provides the framework for maintaining and preparing for a fulfilling marriage while keeping in perspective the inevitableness of conflict.Some believe it's as easy as 1,2,3 as long as there's true love, without understanding the issue that there's Two totally different individuals with different upbringings, beliefs and opinions coming together; being joined in matrimony in the hope of a exciting and prosperous future.-The author argues and proves the concept that Love isn't enough, in which I'm sure individuals already married can testify that it takes commitment, and compromise to keep the marriage boat going. There will be times when you will have to pick up the slack for your partner, excuse their bad days, putting yourself last numerous times.-The fundamental belief incorporated within the pages, is that the reason most marriages fail is due to poor planning and understanding of their partners needs, love language and personality.While in the "love stage", being on cloud nine, we bypass any indication of conflict because we love everything about our person and only want to make them happy. It's not until we slowly come back to reality that we are exposed to traits that "annoy" us. On how different they are from us, on how their beliefs don't align with ours. The way they wish to raise kids, the type of house they want, how they spend and save money, or the most famous, leaving the toilet seat up when it's supposed to be down.-Things I wish I'd known before we got married is a marriage counselors experience and research over numerous years on now to nurture the marriage many desire.
It's a decent book that delves into intense topics at the end of each chapter. I DO NOT recommend unless you BOTH have had a good amount of counseling in the recent past. Reading this kind of book without simultaneously going through pre-marital counseling or individual counseling is a recipe for disaster. It's actually kind of irresponsible to lead people this deep without having anyone there to clean up the "mess" and help people process their emotions. It brings up finances, past relationships, families etc. Topics that can evoke intense emotions and feelings. Ladies, if your man has never been through counseling, this is NOT the place to start. It will only start a fight and could lead to a break up. I believe this type of thing should only be done in a controlled setting by trained professionals or read by older, more mature adults who can talk about sensitive topics without over re-acting, or couples that have been together for a while and already know everything about each other.
Read this! Made my 1st year of marriage way easier than it could have been! Front loaded a lot of our potential issues and worked them out before we got married so when we finally did, it was just awesome.This is great for ANY year of marriage. Pre-married, 1st year, 20th year, any year there are applicable things!
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